Relations

This picture looks small, I'll find another copy...

On Christmas night after eating a big Christmas meal I look around the room and everyone was on their ipods. I thought it was so funny, so I gathered them all and said we had to take a 4 generation picture of everyone on their ipods! So we did. I thought it was cute. A couple of days ago my friend called and said she was writing an article for an online news journal and could she use the picture. I said sure, I got a kick out of it, but it sure fit! Here's the article. copy and paste http://www.examiner.com/relationship-advice-in-los-angeles


Today my cousin and her family were driving though California and so we met them for lunch. We had the nicest visit. I love social media for the reason that it brings a vehicle for families to connect and reconnect! I haven't seen Marianne for oh, maybe , 23 years. What a wonderful thing to be able to spend some time with her and her family!!

Family photos that Steph took for us. I didn't teach her how to use the camera, so there was not many that weren't blurry. It was hard to find a few. Oh well. I don't know why my camera isn't better. I have to learn how to use it better!!

There wasn't a picture that someone wasn't doing something silly. In this one Scott was giving Carter a swirley in his ear... Boys will be boys.


This was a good idea, kinda turned out.


Our kids have awesome smiles!! I liked this one.

December

December came and is now going just as I thought it would, very quickly! It is crazy how in a seemingly brief moment the year has past and we are starting all over! It takes me by surprise every time.

My December was different this year. We spent the month working a lot. We had moved our office to a new location the week before Thanksgiving and then the freeze hit! We knew it would. We hadn't hardly gotten a portion of the move completed before the rush. It made things much more difficult! Mine and Scott's office is still in disarray and in need of lots of hours of organization! It has me wondering if it will ever get done.

Our Work Christmas party was early in the month and thank heavens it was because as it were, only a few of our helpers and none of our crew chiefs were able to make it. The ward party was different this year. I was asked along with two other ladies to sing a beautiful song. There were a few other groups who did musical numbers. It was short and I guess sweet enough. I'm not really feeling the ward bonding lately. So I was indifferent about it all.

We decided the week before Christmas would be a good time to go to Arizona. So we spent a warmish week there, enjoying family, Stephanie's baby and being close enough to visit grandma several times. The baby, Savanna is quite a sweet calm little soul. She really is a joy. Baillie just loves her to death. I love that age of 11 when girls just want to love on babies. It is so sweet. And Savanna is a good one to love on! I truly haven't met a more loving baby in a long time. We spent time with Audry-Camille Sophia too. The kids met her for the first time and that was exciting. She is a cute little thing with lots of energy.

I was also so happy to be able to spend time with my grandma. She is now in a "home" and being taken care of fairly well by the people there. Her memory loss is very apparent now, it makes me sad and I feel a little lost. I just expect her to be sharp and quick. Sometimes she didn't even know who I was at first and I had to help her remember me. She is happy and she seems like she is the same, but after spending just a few moments with her it is easy to see she is not. She asks the same questions over again after only having asked it a few minutes earlier. And this happened the entire time we were there. She spoke of things that weren't there, like stairs in the house. And she spoke nonsense, like her "sons" being dead, when really only one is dead. I don't know how quickly this dementia will progress, but I hope it isn't too quick. Her body is healthy and I think she still has a few years to be around us.

Then home we came with only a day to spare before the jolly fat man was to come. Things were wrapped and taken care of before hand so there wasn't really a lot to be done. I bought some food and a couple of last minute things on Christmas eve and still had time to make sugar cookie dough and prepare for the day in front of us. It turned out really nice, our Christmas. Not too big, not too small and gratitude was shared. We are blessed with

So I sit here at the computer on my blog that has been left alone way too much this year and I wonder how the next year will go. I want to blog. My brain thinks in facebook status'. It's strange. I think it's because I feel like I have a lot to say. But I don't post those thoughts. They just eventually go away. If I were to blog them instead, or even just a portion of them I think I would learn something about myself. I'm gonna try. I've said this before. I didn't do it. I don't have a lot of confidence in myself, but it doesn't hurt to make the attempt.

I'm hoping for a peaceful end to the year 2010. Only one more week.

Carter

This was my son's post on facebook tonight...

"Well, today my band teacher resigned. This is his last week. He said the amount of pressure on his head was unbearable. He is putting is family first by moving to a school where he feels more secure, where he will teach choir. I say good for him. Mr. Dingeldein was probably one of the most influential teachers I ever had. I'm sad that I only had the privilege of knowing him for one and a half years. He has urged me on, made music fun, and helped shape who I am today. When I am older, I want to go into the music business. I can only hope to be, to my future students, what he was for me. We all love him very much. Although I will miss him very much, I wish him the best of luck at his new school. Hopefully the students at Oak Hills will get the same amazing teacher we had, and that he gets the same love that we had for him. I am glad to have had the opportunity to know Mr. Dingeldein."

I can't read it without it breaking my heart and bringing tears to my eyes. I know Carter looked forward to the next 3 years with this man more than anything else!! I'm so sad for him that he won't get the opportunity.

I am also so proud to be Carter's mother. I am proud of the dignity he displays. I am proud of the character he has! He is an example to everyone around him. I can not even begin to write how many times adults have come up to Scott and I to tell us some experience they have had with our son, or how they have seen amazing traits in him, or some comment praising one of his gifts or an impressive action they witnessed. He truly is a wonderful boy. He teaches me, baffles me, makes me so grateful. I feel so blessed to have the calling of being his mother.

Thankfuls

Shareing thankful thoughts on facebook has been a really good experience. I have found myself more and more thankful all the time. Thankful for big things, thankful for little things. Thankful for lots of things. I am feeling really blessed lately. Thankful is a good thing.

Unbearable Lightness

I'm going to take a risk here. In front of the blog world, or at least to those people who ever stumble onto my blog. Why? I don't know. I'm feeling the need for honesty right now.

Unbearable Lightness is the name of a book written by Porcha DeRossi about her fight with anorexia and bulimia and the obsession with being thin. I watched an episode of Oprah tonight, (I don't watch it much anymore) that spotlighted this book and it resonated with me on such a deep, core level.

I don't physically resemble Porcha in any way (dang it), yet, I have felt some of the same feelings she describes. When she describes binging and purging food and the ways it filled her void, it sounded like I was hearing my own thoughts. When she describes the inner hate she feels for herself, I hear the words ringing in my own ears. The words I have heard myself say a million times in my own head.

It is a bit scary to admit this kind of naked truth. But I find myself doing it more and more in my journey toward health. It is freeing for me to admit to myself and to others my struggle. I count 13 years of my adult life as years that I found comfort not only in food, but also in bulimia. And in the remaining years, when the bulimia wasn't present, I just found comfort in food; yet emptiness and often panic in my loss of control over it. In order to stay-off the bulimia, I felt I had to give up all control of my issues with food. And so I did. I gave up control... The results weren't pretty. They weren't healthy, they weren't me. But yet, they are what my body has become.

So now the honesty is out there in my world of acquaintances. It's not like anyone would be shocked by the words, but I need to move on to the next step in my life. Sometimes, as private as we would like to think our lives are, they are really very transparent. People can see hurt and pain. Mine shows up in pounds. I tell myself that a smile will cover it and no one will know, but everyone knows.

I don't feel that same pain now, like I did only a short time ago. When I wear a smile it is more genuine than it ever has been before, but the weight continues to linger, as a reminder of hurt and pain that was so real and so damaging.

Fear is not lost inside. I still have fears that would like to take control of me. And in these times I try to remember where I've come from. I try and turn to the Savior to heal that. What else can I do?

It's all a journey, a step by step, moment by moment journey.

Beach '10

Oh man... I didn't think about writing on here till just now, and as I'm contemplating I realize I don't have a way to do pictures again! Ugh...
Oh well, here I go anyway.

At Carpinteria, home away from home. I saw a trailer that had a cute sign on it that said, "our beach house". Its always nice to have a beach house, even if out does have wheels!
(It's not easy to blogspot from a phone.)

The weather is chilly in the evening, nice in the day. Perfect! The kids are old enough to be self entertained. Nice!! Not to get to serious, but sometimes it feels life is too good to us.

Off beach topic, we were able to watch General Conference this past weekend. It was so wonderful. I'm tempted to take a moment and read a talk or two tonight. I think I'll go do that.

one month later...

If I hurry and post this it will be one month exactly since I've posted!
Cool or just lame?? Wish I thought of posting more.
Went to Boston, it was very cool.
Working a lot...
Have friends and family on my mind. I wish I was magic and could help people in need in a significant way! My heart hurts for people too often. But I am blessed with their friendships and blessed with wonderful people in my life. I guess all I can really do is pray for them. God will have to fill in all the places I (and others) lack!
Happy September everyone! The year is on the down hill slide. Fastest year ever!!