Over/emotional

Overwhelmed today!  Feeling like it's all too much. Sometimes life is just like that. Overwhelming.

In our business a bookkeeper is a KEY position. Today was our bookkeeper's last day. :(   She decided she is moving to Las Vegas to be near her family. I'm sad about it.  She has played a special roll in my life and I hope I have in hers too. I'm not good at good bye's. I feel like people are leaving ME. I know she's not leaving me, she's just doing what she feels is best for herself right now. That still doesn't make it any easier. She has spent a week training her replacement.  The replacement is a sweet lady.  She has big shoes to fill and I hope we give her the support and space to do it!  One of the most stressful parts is the timing. It seems we always have this change in our business at the worst of times!  I'm grateful for the week of training she's had, but she will need so much more. I have a few days here, a few days there and the inbetweens are just gone!  A trip to Utah and then surgery that will take me out for at least a couple of weeks.  Ugh... One month from now I'll be back up and running, but it may be a rough month.  Not good timing!

Thing number two that adds to what is "too much" is taking Kendahl to college.  There are only 2 days left.  WHAT???  Two days??  Oh my gosh!  She's not packed, I'm not packed, I'm not ready! And I don't think she's ready! HELP...  That's all I have to say about that, I guess. Wish us luck in making it there, making sure she's well equipped to handle it, and being able to leave her alone... I don't have confidence yet.

And number three, it's only 15 days till my surgery... only 8 days till my pre-op appointment. I don't know if the doctor will be ok with my efforts thus far.  I am getting scared. Tonight probably isn't a good time to talk about it. I feel emotional, and vulnerable.  I don't know where this lack of confidence came from tonight. I guess just getting closer to the real date brings hesitation. Am I doing the right thing? Am I capable of going through this? Can I trust myself to do it right? There are a lot of scary questions that I have to ask myself. I don't think it will be easy and I'm starting to worry. Emotions stink. Who every thought of the idea of having emotions anyway?