Speaking to the Regret

I am blessed to walk with a wonderful woman every morning!! Today our conversation included the sadness and regret that I have felt this week. My wonderful friend gave me such sound advice regarding those feelings and struggles. I believe that I am a good person with good intentions. I love people and I try to understand them and work well with them. I fall short of perfection all the time and sometimes I'm even on the side of being a bone head. But I know that I am good person. I know my heart,  Heavenly Father knows my heart and I hope that my friends and loved ones know it as well.

I can only do my best. I need to strive every day to do better and be better. To love others and to make my words be words of love and encouragement. But I will fall short. That's just the reality of life. Sometimes I'll make stupid comments or say the wrong thing. In these situations I can not beat myself up about it!! I have to apologize for it and move on! And when others can't move on I need to be ok with that too. That's their journey.

My friend shared the analogy of a baseball player running the bases. He doesn't run past first base and then pick it up and carry it to second base with him. And then run on to third, grabbing second and carrying it as well. He Touches those bases, has that experience and then moves on! And that is what we have to do. We can't carry it all with us. We have to move on.

I'm grateful for wonderful people in my life who help me to realize the and see clearly the things that sometimes gets clouded in my own mind. I am so very blessed!

I saw this today and thought it fits me perfectly! I't not exactly what I was talking to in this post, but oftentimes I let my direction go this way and it doesn't do anything good for the situations I may be going through. It only makes it worse. So I thought it was appropriate.

Regret

I have the problem my grandma calls "diarrhea of the mouth". I say what comes to my mind. Sometimes I don't have a very good filter. Maybe no filter at all.

This week, I said something really dumb, speaking (or in this case, writing) before I thought through what I would say. I hurt someone I love with all my heart. The thought that I caused this person to feel any added pain in their life has filled me with sadness. I would never want to hurt this person on purpose. Never! And yet, I did.

This week I was made aware of a past action of mine that may have led people to question my character and leadership abilities. I was again saddened by my lack of ability to portray who I think I am, and instead I came across as a person who may not be fit to be a leader. I feel cut to the core and have begun to question myself, my abilities and my own motives!

This week I have lamented again over the loss of a friend because of a misunderstanding many years ago. There is nothing I can do about this one. I tried with all my might to right a perceived wrong, but the loss is still present and continues to hurt my heart even to this day. Again, something I said was misunderstood and I hurt someone else.

I'm not sure where to go with the reality that I hurt or offend others with my words. I'm not sure how to change myself. It is never my intention to hurt, but yet I do. It is on my mind and weighs heavy on my heart and for now I will ponder and pray about how to make change.

I wish I could take it all back. I wish there was no regret.

Welcome Home

Well, we're home! Got home yesterday afternoon to really happy kids and awesome grandparents! We were exhausted from not sleeping much the night before, packing, blogging, etc. So we went to bed at 7:30 in anticipation of the week ahead.

This morning I find myself alone for the first time in 4 weeks! I like my mornings alone to exercise and get a few things done. This morning as I was picking up a bit I came across lemons my friend from Mesa gave me. She had two trees packed with lemons, so I thankfully took a bunch! Some of them were wilting so I figured I better do something with them! I juiced over half of them and now I have beautiful lemon juice that I am going to try to make something with! Doesn't that look yummy?! 

Looking forward to the week ahead! I made some goals for myself last week while I was relaxing. Now, if I can just not let myself down!! :)  Happy Week!

Just Enjoying

So, I didn't put anything up for yesterday, but this is the picture of the day. Scott floating in the ocean! He was only out there a few minutes, but he had to do it.

We walked on the beach for over two hours yesterday and afterward relaxed the day away!

Today was another road trip, this time to Mobile, Alabama. I love Alabama. I love rednecks. I love southerners! Scott was excited to get some boiled peanuts. Bleck! He got a whole pound and liked them! No, I didn't eat any!! I tried to take some pictures of this disgusting thing. The blurry peanut was so huge! You can't really tell in the picture. Scott was happy. 

We drove around the old areas we served in and tried to recognize a few things. Then I wanted to take a trip out to Dauphin Island. It's a neat little strip of island that has a bunch of houses all on stilts. So we did! We went, over the scary bridge right into chaos! They were just finishing up a (pre) Mardi Gras parade and there were a million red necks and good 'ol southerners! It took us forever just to get the 7 miles down to the end of the island! This is the bridge going over to the island. It's about a mile long. I get freaked out on bridges! Breathe Billie, Breathe!

This is a few of the rednecks just sittin. I think they were too drunk to move. Had wait for it to wear off! I wish we could of taken more pictures of people because they were funny! But it's kinda weird when you're going about 2 miles an hour. People wonder why you're taking their pictures!

And this is what we came to see! These houses up on stilts! And there were not a few of them. For this tiny little island, there were probably a hundred! I couldn't believe how big some were!!

This one had a foundation that was built right into the ocean!! It was the last one on the island so I'm sure it gets the brunt of any weather! But wow!! 

This older one was what they mostly looked like when I was here 20 years ago before hurricanes knocked them off their stilts and FEMA bought them new houses to put on the stilts. There are still some smaller old ones and there are plenty of large new ones! They are pretty cool.  

At the end of the houses there is maybe a half mile of just beach out into the ocean. and just in from where the water breaks there were millions of shells. It looked like desert landscape, only all those things you see in the sand aren't rocks, they are shells! It was like a moon walk or something! 

I am a compulsive shell hunter! Always on the prowl for the prettiest one!  Scott was trying to do a sillouette picture. I think it turned out pretty cool.

I found one! Very vibrant color! I thought this picture was cool too. Ocean behind me, all shimmery from the late sun.  

After we walked out on the sand bar-ish end of the island we turned to look back. Those are the houses at the end of the road. Each of those facing the water on a different side. That's all the wider the island is! Pretty cool actually. You should look it up on Google maps!  

And this is me doing what we did most. Driving!! We drove to Pensacola where Scott served for most of his mission. Of all the things we didn't remember, this was a nice surprise because he actually remembered things in Pensacola! Yay, success! We met up with an old friend from the mission and had dinner with him. It was nice to visit and talk about the grown or non-growth of the areas there. 

Now we're home (in the condo), packed and ready to go to the airport at 5:30am! I'm so sad to leave. I'm looking forward to seeing our kids for sure, but I am going to miss this place! I can't believe it took us 20+ years to get back here!! It is so amazingly beautiful. I love the California beaches, but they don't hold a candle to the beaches here! I'm sure there are other more beautiful oceans than even this one, but I can't hardly imagine it. God is so good to make these wonderful things for us to witness! I feel so blessed to be able to take a trip like this. Scott and I are blessed to be together 20 years! The next cliche thing to say is, "it hasn't always been easy", and it really hasn't! But somehow we are still together after 20 years and we'll do our best to keep it that way. Who knows, maybe in another 20 years we'll come back to the Emerald Coast to celebrate again! (Dangit, if it takes us another 20 years to get back I will be really sad!!)

All in a day in Ft. Walton Beach / Destin

All in a day. Walk on the beach. 300+ pictures. Sailing. Kite shop and dinner. I'll try not to put all of the pictures up, but it's hard to pick just a few! :)

Scott loves the ocean and wanted to get in the whole time we were walking. Tomorrow is his day. He's going to swim in it! He said it's actually warmer water now than the Pacific Ocean is in July. I'm sure he'll be in!

It's tricky getting people to take your picture. That's the hardest part. Wait, I changed my mind, the hardest part is walking on the beach and not picking up shells! (That's what I'm holding in my hand, the catch of the day!) We met an old guy who found a tiny little sand dollar and then I needed one!! We found a bunged up one. Tomorrow we'll go look for a perfect one! 

Cool fish surfing! They would go over and over. I guess surfing is fun for everyone! :) 

More pictures... 

 Our little sail boat. Good times!

 Peaceful.

 Kinda cold this time of year, but not too bad.

Dolphins! We saw them several times, but not enough for me. I wanted more and more dolphins! 

 Some of these homes and slips in the Destin inlet looked like Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous! There were TONS of boats out there!

 And to end the day Scott was in his element! Learning about Kite boarding. That scateboardish thing he's holding goes to a kite so you can have lots of fun on sand or snow or anywhere else! Some day I'm sure he'll try it!

It was a nice relaxing fun day! We decided the next time we take this trip we want to do it with another couple to share with the cost of the condo (because it would seriously make it really cheap) and the rental car and of course to take pictures so we don't have to bug the snow birds to take them for us! Any takers??

Complaining while in Paradise? Yes, sometimes.

We are in the most beautiful place. I wish my small words could describe the quaintness of the towns around, the beauty of the ocean and the sand. The birds the wind, the waves the sun (although I have a gripe with the sun right now, we'll get to that later.) It's is so beautiful that nothing could ruin it. Well, maybe nothing. Let me start from the beginning...

I spent months looking at condo properties to rent during the time we were in Ft. Walton Beach. I looked at dozens of them on line, cataloged them in my phone, their cost, which owners got back to me when I emailed and so forth.  I did my homework. I waited a bit to long to book because of the sheer pressure that comes from getting the right one. But when I did finally book I thought I had gotten the best of the best. A nice looking condo with tons of room, facing the water at an acceptable height (floor level that we would be able to see the ocean with ease and amazement.) And best of all the price was right! I was impressed with myself and thought I had done pretty good.

When we got to the condo it was late at night. Sure enough it was a nice place! Initially I had a few gripes, like the carpets were not looking their cleanest, there didn't seem to be more than one roll of toilet paper in the whole place and we could only find 5 hangers. But other than that we were on cloud nine with anticipation of the week ahead and the amazing beauty of the place we were going to be staying in.

In the morning I woke up and was delighted at the view! I went out side on the balcony to take pictures. I noticed rope hanging from the balcony and I had to maneuver around the hanging rope to get a picture of the beach without that annoying rope in the picture. But not really a big deal. I went inside and took a cute picture of Scott and just about that time there began to be strange noises.  Within the next few minutes our peace and quiet morning was shattered by sounds of working men using powered chisels and grinders and drills! And it continued to get worse! In short order the worker men were on our balcony and hanging from scaffolding right in our window!! The peace and quiet was gone! and the beauty was demolished along with it! Arrg! I was trying to laugh and say how funny it was, but the reality was that it was the morning of our 20th wedding anniversary and we woke up in paradise to have paradise snuffed out with whineing, vibrating noises throughout the walls!

We hurried and got out of the condo and onto the beach where we took a long walk and enjoyed the sheer beauty emensly. After our walk we took a  drive and managed to stay gone for the remainder of the day shopping and what not. Previously to all of this, we had planned that sometime during our trip we would spend one night away from the condo and travel to Tallahassee and to the small southern towns around. Since our peace had been shattered that day we decided we should take the opportunity to get away for the next day and hopefully the worker men would have moved on from our unit and onto another balcony to bug some other patron. (Although, the Emerald Coast is quite vacant this time of year and I seriously doubt there could of been many other patrons in the building at all. Maybe this was on purpose due to work that was being done on the building.) And so we did, we were gone for the next 24 hours. We left at night to take the drive, stayed in a hotel and woke the next morning to explore Tallahassee and the surrounding area. We didn't return till late the next night.

When we were driving back into Ft. Walton Beach there was quite a rain storm with thunder and lightning. When we got into the condo  you could look out the window and see the rain and waves and awesomeness. We snuggled into bed and fell fast asleep. Only to be woken this morning, the third morning of our stay, by the sound of power tools!!!! I couldn't believe it!!! 8:10 am and they were full force! Not on our balcony, but hanging just below it! I could still see beedy eyes of worker men right above the floor of the balcony! And the noise was so loud Scott and I could barely hear each other talking while we were sitting in the same room together!

I was annoyed! I couldn't shake it. I wanted to "get over it". I mean after all, there was nothing I could do about it, right? It was what it was... Or at least that's what Scott kept saying. But I was pretty angry and I didn't want to wake up for the next 4 mornings of our trip angry!

And this is where I stop and ask, isn't it ok to be frustrated sometimes? Isn't it ok to complain about things when the plans you have so carefully made become smooshed by power tools and worker guys?! I need validation here. I mean seriously!

Ok, to move on and finish this story, we got out of our contract with the first condo people and Scott was awesome at finding us another beautiful condo just a few buildings down from the first. I am happily laying in bed at the new condo typing about the past. And any minute now I am going to let it all go! :)  Actually, I let it go once we got all moved into the new condo. I was happy to be in a place that I can wake up in morning to silence. But for a moment, I have to say, I just needed to be grouchy and complain a little. Life isn't blissful all the time and sometimes you just have to gripe! I think there is nothing wrong with it. You have to let it out! I think I'll make a cute subway art about griping. I wonder if there is already one made on pinterest?!

Gordon B. Hinckley said, "By and large, I have come to see that if we complain about life, it is because we are only thinking of ourselves." I agree President Hinckley, but when you're on your second honeymoon you're supposed to be thinking of yourself! I'm just saying. He also said, "Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." And this is us, trying to enjoy Florida in the best possible way!

 Old annoying LOUD view...

Beautiful new peaceful, unobstructed view! And a little higher up too!

And we end our day happy as little larks. I'm even more happy than Scott because a small miracle happened! Scott went shopping with me and didn't complain one bit! He was pleasant and kind the whole time. North west Florida shuts down pretty early in January, so we shopped until they kicked us out and then we had delicious food at Panera Bread.  We got shut that place down too. It's weird how early everyone closes here, but let's face it, all there is around her this time of year are snow birds! So why not.

Happy complaining people!!

Small Southern Towns

Wouldn't you love to take a drive through little old southern towns? That's just what we did today, enjoying the beautiful porches on every home from small to large. Brick streets. Neat old southern churches of every kind. Wonderful accents! Trees with moss hanging everywhere. I wish we would of gotten pictures of everything, but we only got a few. Oh, and one of the coolest things of the day was a little deli called The Scoop that we ate at. It was so cute and had so much character. The owner was really nice and shared a little bit of her history with us. I enjoyed it a ton. I love to find places like that. If I could I'd love to spend lots of time driving around these little towns finding treasures like The Scoop. Taking pictures and antiquing! Today we really didn't have much time at all. We saw a lot but couldn't stop much. Every time we would drive by an antique shop I wanted so badly to stop!! My heart almost skipped a beat each time. But we really couldn't. And how would I bring the things home anyway? We couldn't carry it on a plane. We'd have to ship it. We thought that on Saturday if we have time we may try to find some antiquing around the beach cities. It won't be nearly as good as the old southern towns, but better than not at all.

Beautiful in every way!

Nearly every house has a porch in Thomasville, GA. It is so great! Small houses, old houses, ugly houses. It's great!!

Look at the moss on this tree. Look at the size of this tree. Cool!

Streets covered with trees are awesome. In the spring or when the leaves are on the trees this one would be all shadowed over. It's beautiful.

This was a really huge church. I didn't get close enough.

I had to add the LDS church

The Scoop. The dang cutest deli/icecream place ever!

So authentic, so southern. Nothing commercial or cookie cutter about it!     

Brick streets. They are everywhere. Love them! Brick is abundant in the south. Everything is made out of brick.

 And then there's the weird! This is Enterprise, AL where they have a monument to the boll weevil.  Why? I don't know. I don't think they really know. Just strange. But funny!